ps: before reading this, you must know that you entering my mind, it is chaotic spontaneous and ridiculosly capable of writing without often reading again. this is an not-edited or proof-read in any way. i am of a strong belief that as much as we all want to see the great part of a person, we should also be welcome to see their struggle, pain, drive or what you would call their other side.
as i start to write this at 1:18am 11th july, 2026, i realize how much of a wasted potential i am becoming and i who used to say that “i am a museum of everything that i love” can no longer say the same words. this is also a part of what some version of myself has created but the dominating half cant even stand the current mediocre self.
i read somewhere yesterday–although, i have seen it before–that one of the most underrated skill we possess is the ability to change your life in the next second. for some it’s the easiest thing to do, for others they spend years trying to do this.
as always the things that always push me to the point where i hate myself and feel pressured or gnash or swear or curse or always i wanna be better are things that serve as parameters for me becoming who i want to be. but why do i keep doing them? the way i see it, there’s no hunger, which is ironic given my bg of growing up in the ghetto.
i got this book last year (2025) from the uk and i was so happy because it was my first hardcover book based on the science of computers, what i have mostly read was always digital and i found myself moving close to reading printed documents more. so much that i got a small printer while i was in school (thinking of selling it to get another, consistently refiling the ink at interval really sucks, i found myself printing a lot). point is, i finished the book, i couldn’t even finish 2 chapters, wtf!. what better me wants: to read more, books, articles, etc.
i wasn’t using the for you part of x fka twitter for a very long time, because i always get the most retarded contents and take there, but on my for you tab i get to see posts from great people i am following and i have learnt a significant lot from them and made a lot of friends and grown a lot off this. sometime towards the ending (i guess december because i was on vacation) last year i found myself on the for you tab for a short period of time and then this year it became more chronic. from checking the latest news on rising insecurity to the fervent need to know what’s going on around the world. honestly that’s not so bad to know but it becomes a problem if that’s all I do and trust me it is. what better me wants: stay off social media for a very long time
there are quite a few things i could still mention but not today i guess
it’s one thing to speak, it’s another to act.
i am hungry for knowledge, curious as always, what am i missing. where did my fighting spirit go? i used to ask myself this but no more will this happen as i am evolving into who i want to be. freedom and personality is at stake. change is a gradual process. less talk on things to be done, more actions on things results.
title of article inspired by this beautiful song. also love this gem which ytmusic suggested right after, outro.